If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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