i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
