Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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