He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
