and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
