There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
