What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
