batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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