I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
