i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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