I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
