It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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