You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
