C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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