taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
