you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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