So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
