I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize