I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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