I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
