The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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