Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
