My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize