We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
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I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I still have a little drunk in my system
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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