I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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