I wish my penis had an off switch
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
