at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You made out with two different species that night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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