Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
