I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
