Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
