if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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