you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
