I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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