Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
