Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
