Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
