Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
