I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
