Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
