Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
