oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
third nipple confirmed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
