Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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