Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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