is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
