he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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