I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
