They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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