so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
