dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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She's the barista slut.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?