Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...