Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
