so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.