I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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