I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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