At least make sure they are 18
Why
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
