remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
