rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
