Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
