I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I deserve this hangover.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
