I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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