We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
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There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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