there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
