She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
