what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
