Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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