When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
