It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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