Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
