I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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