It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
