I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
