I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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